And that makes it hard to think about anything else. Dick Masterson speaks the TRUTH. The hardest thing for me is to sleep alone. I left her cause she was a gold digger had 4 affairs and she was a thief . So I came clean and told my husband that I was unhappy because of these feelings that I couldn't overcome and I felt like staying in the marriage would be denying him the opportunity to find someone who is 100% devoted to him. I asked if there was someone else she said of course but right now I dont know what to believe please help thanks Derek, My situation isnt all that different man. Feeling a little bette . ;) Again, terrific article! Shell be fine, but I will be a mess. The answer is how can we make you happy and ease your feelings. Dh comes over to see kids every night. I am absolutely disgusted by their behavior. Im wondering now if I should have. It was the worst 30mins of my life and it felt pressed and forced. I know it may seem a bit weird but I stumbled upon this site just the same way. The papers are signed. I lost 11 lbs in less than 2 weeks. I also was finding 100 S of dollars in her car over and over and over with the pills. I guess she is doing just that. Neither of us if ever been unfaithful so far as I know. She bought him a watch and pajamas for his birthday. I stuck with him and eventually the drinking did become better however I had difficulty fully trusting him after the first infidelity about two years in to our marriage. And I have plenty of divorced friends who are now happy. The takeaway. My parents passed last year, her mother has been on her death bed and abusive to my wife as she takes care of her. Admittedly, infidelity has been a factor over th years with at least 3 incidents in th past with 1 most recent being 6 months into our marriage. Cheating partners often dont even want to work on saving the relationship or marriage, increasing levels of frustration and hurt. So Im a stay at home mom my daughter and his brother live with us to help pay for medical bills, supplies, food shelter etc. And at the time he would be like. Hes not stopped contact completely he has messaged me and told me his not doing this to be nasty or hurt me he just doesnt feel happy in our relationship at the moment. Protect yourself. Hardly functioning, feeling helpless. Giving praises, compliments, hugs, kisses and other affections are normal. I feel no small amount guilt for feeling relief at her leaving. We had a solid marriage and two great kids. This has been like going through the pain of a 100 deaths. Good riddance this is over. You know in your heart this is totally unacceptable behavior. That was at the end of September. Below are the top five reasons for leaving that I hear about while working with divorcing couples in my therapy practice. Words of advice Get an emotional tool belt, of things that will help you get better.. "Describing what you need, especially when it comes to mental health, helps you get on the . I feel broken, rejected, and unloved. The very best i could do is tip toe and stear her away from the many triggers for her depression and rage. My ex boyfriend just moved out left me carelessly with all the bill.He was always a depressed person and I was always there for him then I started to become depressed. She never friended me on Facebook, never liked my posts, red flags were going off all over the place. I feel completely invisible in my own home. Now I can begin to say, after roughly four months, that things are feeling better within me, but many things must be done with in our own for our own to fully heal. b) they get sick c) you are unfortunate enough to owe them money ( or as they think, owe them a life ) what happens to a child or sibling of one as they grow older. I learned all this by looking through texts on my daughters phone. I hate to be blunt, but to me it sounds like she likes the best of both worlds. I was devastated! If you had make a big mistake and dont know how to fix it, your friend or family member will be able to help you figure out what you did wrong. How to cope: Try not to take too much of a righteous or moral stance. Sure, I knew things had not been great between us, but I never thought she would leave! .. I dont think I will ever be able to understand it and it scares the HELL out of me when once in a while I think I get inside of his mind what he thought process was to abuse me. Being a husband and a dad every day. Telling them she didnt want them,etc, My ex just left me with all the bills lol he walked out of my life like nothing and im the only hurtingif you need someone to talk to Im here, the fafher of my baby gel have been hot n cold for abt three years now .well it started while i was pregnant he used to beat me kick me or drag me on the road beating me if i have found out that he was cheating.or even chase me away sometimes every time he does sumthing wrong but i kept on staying becoz i luvd him n ddnt want to hurt his feelings after giving birth i found out tht he have been changing gels like peds.well i wanted to move out but had no choice things at home are not gud but i stayed unhappy though sometimez he wud say words painfull one but becoz i loved this guy it wasnt easy to just live .i remember one day i was with him n hiz brothers i found out tht his talking with somether lady in his home the i waited for him to see me n then i took my child n went to sleep guess what he budge in n started to drag me out side i tried to run but had no power he catched me n started beating me up n tripped me then i fall n he drag me with my foot untill my leg got dislockated couldnt even walk i wanted out but i forgave him untill other day we werent talking coz he have started it so dd not ask went to shopping when i came back my clothes were out side even my babys clothes then i waited for him he said to me i must go n stay where i will feel free n do whatever i want there well i just packed my stuff n left but after a week came back to him untill now he said tht i must get my own man i said to its better i go n stay with my children instead of this bcoz this time around i have been asking him to stay with his family atlist once in a week not with friends especial gelz friends guys i need ur help am i wrong to move out of this relationship becos i feel like im all by myself n cant be happy when i feel like going out coz hell be controlling me like i am his wife, Thank you for your comment, Thulani. We all do. Breaking up is hard and can be hell!!!!! Friday comes and of course, she unplugs the house phone and turns off her cell and refuses to let me see my kids. My husband made cupcakes for my daughter and every home game for two seasons for four years of high school. He is so cold and aloof it drives me crazy. They may be confused. We were mature, grown ups We did that stuff and left that life long ago?? Now she said she cant give me a second chance because she doesnt want to chance things going back to the way they are for her now also saying she needs to find a new man in front of the kids. Just a few years ago, however, I was finally diagnosed with this awful personality disorder. Protect your assets. Weve always argued, thats how we get along, but each time someone says Ive had a gutful of this there is an underlying hurt of all the things said when you get back to normality. You can imagine how amazed I was at this concept coming from a male (not being sexist or anything!). I have someone that they work with that gives me info and all they do is talk about me and say Im a terrible mother and person.. Hi, I married my wife when i was 22 yo And even though your kids are older now, they still need you. So I crumpled and grabbed a couple bags of clothes and left like she demanded. My wife did not return home from work last friday (now tuesday), my son nor i have heard from her since despite numerous texting, although she has told 2 other people she is ok, these people are strangers to me, I only found out via a third party. Just move through it, let your emotions flow freely, and dont let anyone make you feel like less of a person for feeling this way. I loved him dearly and I still do, I had resentment built up because he didnt always treat me the best. . In many cases, there were no common interests to start with, making coming back together even harder. She said she was done and was forcing herself to love me. I dont understand how someone can throw you out of your own house . We have two children together and 2 from my previous marriage. I have the greatest respect for those who endure the bad times and work to resolve and remedy their challenges. I am still learning the scope of the damage that was done to me. I have no clue what to do with my time now. He is indicating you have all the power over his life. She didnt deserve any of this.. I know it will all get better over time I just worry about how much damage this is doing to the kids. I actually threw up all morning and had to stay home from work. Wife of 17 years left 4mos ago. What about #6You were just an abusive alcoholic and I was sick and tired of being your punching bag? But, it seems like that is when he is most truthful and that he is just waiting for our 13 year to grow up so that he can feel better about divorcing me. I hate my life and want to knock her new mans teeth out. I asked if you need a brae thats fine but can we still be a couple she said no, she took her name off the lease fast and I noticed at night I could see she was on messenger most of the night. 1. He would always say. He calls this a seperation, but making me take all my things and move away, seems like he is just trying to spare my feelings, not asking for a divorce straight out. Best of luck to you Oh, and get a support network around you to build yourself up. Two months ago she said it was over with him. Any problem she has she phones the bloke she left me for is a condescending arse this was not the first affair ive since found out there have been 4 in the last ten years I knew about one and worked hard 6 years ago to forgive and forget . Dont believe it. There are good people ..you are one of them, I am one of themWe need to keep fighting and believing for those of us out there who do care. Not looking for any comments just felt a need to write that lot down. I was in the same situation. I will follow this for now. I do not work with but I still make sure everyone in well off. This just didnt happen in my family. Thank u for replying. Im truly heartbroken. Grass is not always greener and a lot of times they are then in a new relatioship only to wakeup one day and find they feel exactly the same as they did in the previous relationship .Talk to each other sort problems out no one is perfect dont badmouth the other person . i dont know specific reason, but i convinced her she was not interested in me anymore but i dont want let her go. He hutted me so bad and couldnt understand how he could be doing this to. Take a step back look in the mirror .If you have everything but see nothing where does the problem lie. We have been together for 9 no kids (thank God) she was my first love for everything, but things didnt work, and now she say she sees me like a friend no good reason and that hes been thinking about it for a year! I have been with my partner for 5 years we live together, our relationship was very fiery at the start there was quite a few break ups over various reasons, in the last 2years we havent split up once or even had a big enough argument to consider doing that, we have had petty little arguments but thats about all. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. It is the hardest thing I ever been through. I feel torn of the situation and the new person in my life has given me perspective on how relationships are truly to be. While these may be the reasons someone gives for leaving a relationship, these do not address the real reasons why someone normally leaves a relationship. I have been divorced for 9 months. Before she left, we both confessed to each other that we felt more connected, more married if you will to each other then either of us ever did to our spouses. *they need to take some time for themselves The last was in 06 at a family reunion with her 1st cousin and the kids were with her. My organs were beginning to shut down, and I wound up at the hospital. She wouldnt let me see them anymore and everything got so much worse. "You're being ridiculous.". We are now separated again but he is now living with another woman, same woman he dated for 4 months during our last seperstion. im a btech graduate n 23yr old and.my clasmate is.my wife aswathi she is 22,and I love my wife,and i love her for what she has given for me she made me feel the thing that everyone calls thelove at 1st sight and she give me lot of love love during.our studies n now suddenly she has taken away all that love n care and i love the pain she giving to me right now by staying away for the last 5 months,i just.love her even if she hate me because now i know what i have lost. Living is not living unless you are truly living, being respected and happy. He had itchy feet a few years ago and spent some time travelling and living in different states for work but in the end he came home. Needless to say, I reminded him of the timing he set up and we did not get married. So Ive been married for 5 years. I thought it was just a phase and didnt think anything of it until I found a phone number of a girl in his wallet. Suffering from Depressing and other sickness as gotten worse for me. He would pick on me for everything in front of the kids. Its all about him, not me or my children at all. How to make your ex-boyfriend feel bad for hurting you, Why am I starting to think about my ex again? Best wishes to you, hope you find a healthy way to consume your time and helps you start the process! Fed up of the assumptions that there is another man involved ha! ..u have given me strength. A year and a half has passed and she calls me one day, we broke up and I need your help with the kids. And it would show your wife youre trying still. Her dad used to financially bail her out and her mum often was overbearing and smothered her. Any pointers or tips will be welcome. I was together with my wife for 19.5 years. The relationship was most likely very comfortable and good in many ways, but trust that you will rekindle some of your romantic spark and realize that your marriage was unfulfilling. You will get through it. My husband left me citing this as the only reason. My husband, who I have been with for 15 years and have two young children with left me in November 2014. Both knows the situation, though the comfort factor, causes them to remain in this loop until something shakes it up. I want move out of state or go back to my country but, i also have a little hope that in a few months she will change her mind 32 years we have did everything together and it dont feel right being alone. He works with her and finds her intellectually stimulating. Cant eat or sleep, I feel depressed. I feel exactly the same as you Below, Borrello and other marriage therapists share the most common reasons men check out of their marriage and file for divorce. He ask me to hire someone to put his things in storage. The morning came and he started screaming at me. Be strong for yourself and for your kids. These tips may help you let go of the past, including someone who hurt you. In my parents day, they stood together and stayed married, committed right through, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. I could never disapline them. !my son and my daughter in law found me twist the rope around my neck and around the tree but it was broke, I lay lifeless and I know that is divine intervention with my Holy Father anyway my point is is that I would not be able to endure what my husband did to me, without Jesus I mean I begged him on my hands and knees and help me with the pain cuz I couldnt handle anymore and one day he took it from me I no longer have it like I did Im confused now but my husband so I dont know what to do if he were to come back into my life but I would do it because God wanted me to and marriage is sacred to God and I dont want to go against my father I promise you thats the only way youll endure the suffering , and be assured that with every one of my trials and tribulations I have found the blessing the blessings outweigh any thing that we have suffered and we also have to keep in mind look at Jobe what he went through look what Jesus went through for usits only through this Christ that you will find true peace. I have never felt so betrayed in my life and never would of thought I would become a statistic. Of course, feelings change over the course of a marriageyou are not going to have those sparks flying like you did when you first met. Are we supposed to stay through that too? I am an amazing husband and I am taking it all wrong. In the month it took for me to pull myself together enough to find the help I need and make the arrangements she moved out of our home and withdrew from me even more. The truth hurts us, but it also helps us to move on quicker. Its going to cost me a fortune, but I have no choice. See a priest????? Then the on the Wednesday he told me he was leaving. This I also discovered. Noah loves his Dad and we have always maintained a civil relationship for his sake. Sometimes when a person leaves, they are unhappy not because they dont love you, but because they are hiding something. Im so sorry to read this (and other) stories. Their loss. He has been gone for about six months now. I am because I see him for who he is and I cannot pretend anymore, and that is a problem. Saving the relationship when youre the only one trying is tough but it doesnt always mean your relationship should be scrapped. If you do a search on the topic you will find that studies are revealing an epidemic of infidelity right now. Kept promises: A promise, is a promise, is a promise, unless you are married to a narcissist. How is it going with the communication now. Please help me with the divorce decision please. She went to her mothers. Left with no reason. If this is the end of our relationship and it certainly feels that way. One thing lead to another then we had sex. She knows not what she does. I am humiliated, devastated and heartbroken he would replace me so quickly. I only had him. How to cope: Work on taking responsibility for your part, forgiving yourself for what you could have done differently, and letting go of how you think it should have been. He gave her money and bought her a car to keep her, but in the end, that didn't work. I have other kids from a previous relationship and I felt saddened by it all at first. And the person I subsequently dealt with was someone else." Telling her son and . I have become this weird doormat type character to her waiting on her every move. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. We are now 10 months after the filing and he has left again, stating he is trying to get his head straight. cheat ,refuse to except your responabillity dont come crying when the shit hits the fan and nobody wants nothing to do with you .I love my kids still love my wife and will do anything to make their live good I wish her all the best with the new man but fear , a relationship built on lies and deceit is a disaster waiting to happen .Good luck to all who have been cheated on I wish you all the happiness you can find be strong and trust in yourself , trust me nobody but you can make this better so walk with head held high feel proud that you didnt sink to their level best of luck one mightily piss off deserted husband. Get your big boy pants on and realize that shes got a screw loose and youre not a mechanic. Hang in there. My wife left 11/15/15. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. Abuse should definitely be on the list. He now comes home one day a week and a little on the weekends.